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“The First Year: Mount Pacifier and The Valley of the Strollers”

I still remember my first time. It was a Sunday afternoon in late February. Craig and I knew we had to do it. After all, we were having a baby and our shower was coming up in a few months. I was seven months pregnant and starting to feel the urge to nest. My baby was coming and she needed stuff! I had no idea what, but I knew that I should probably look into a few things. I might need to offer her some place other than a corner of our bed to sleep in. And so I went where every pregnant woman has gone before: Buy Buy Baby. I walked in as a large, glowing, pregnant woman armed with an electronic registry wand and left a completely insecure, overwhelmed, defeated wreck completely certain of only one thing. I never wanted to set foot in Buy Buy Baby again. Ever!

But hey, after my first visit to Buy Buy Baby at least I was no longer worried about labor, delivery, or even nursing. I had more important things to concentrate on! For instance, choosing the right pacifier from a 15-foot wall of binkies, offered in a mind-numbing array of brands in hundreds of baby-soothing shapes and textures, with tooth-straightening orthodontic varieties (for mouths without any teeth), BPA-free plastic and latex options, and several mouth sizes. I stood there, holding Craig’s hand at the foot of Mount Pacifier, and thought: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! SAVE ME!! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REGISTER, HOW AM I GOING TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY!!! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HALF THIS STUFF IS!!!!

Seriously, within minutes of entry, I nearly had a breakdown. I took some deep breaths and had a few sips of water but it didn’t help. As soon as I looked back up at Mount Pacifier the panic was back. “Oh, god,” I thought. “I’m in deep trouble here. This baby is coming and I have no idea what sort of pacifier she needs, and if I don’t get the right one, I will obviously do serious damage to her teeth, her bite, and her future ability to articulate and eat.” I was a mess.

And this was only the pacifier wall. I had barely touched the surface of the rest of the stuff the pink Buy Buy Baby registry list demanded that I purchase: bottles, nipples, baby slings, baby carriers, strollers, car seats, diapers, wipes, shampoo, lotion, towels, onesies, pajamas (I for one could not even tell the difference between pajamas and onesies, another deficiency on my part), diaper bags, cribs, bath tubs, changing tables, washcloths, towels, swaddle blankets, sheets, bumpers, mobiles, bouncy seats, swings, breast pumps, nursing chairs, teething toys, and high chairs. I was doomed.

Remembering my first time, thinking back to my experiences at the foot of Mount Pacifier, and my awe in the Valley of the Strollers (see below), I have to laugh. The business of baby is all so ridiculous (and profitable). They prey on our fears, and feed our every insecurity with retail redemption and, hey, it works. It’s not all retail evil. We as new parents are contributing to the problem, too. We do feel an urge to nest and we want to buy stuff. It’s just the beginning of wanting to be a good parent, wanting to provide, wanting to do right by baby. But the end result is that you wind up registering for so many things you’ll never use (or forget you even have until baby is past that stage) and we should have added many items we never thought of. In hindsight, I should have brought a friend with me who had done this before, but Craig and I were excited to do this together and we had no idea what a crazy nightmarish world we were entering.

So, for all you new parents out there, here’s my list of what you need and what you don’t. For many of these items, other than a crib, car seat, and mattress you might look on Craig’s List and buy stuff used. Especially with clothes, you can even get a sack of them used from ebay or Craig’s List for like $5-$10 and you can save a lot. Or check out Tit for Tat in Queens or Jane’s Exchange in the East Village for consignment goodies. Feel free to comment and add your two cents below.

Baby’s Room

Crib: We have the Lollipop, affordable, and we love it. We went with an organic mattress. Emily didn’t sleep in her crib until she was a month old. You can use a bassinet, Moses basket in the early weeks or co-sleeper (a crib that fits next to your bed, that you can have easy access for night nursing, which is what we used).

Pack-n-Play: If you plan on traveling to in-laws or friends, good to have one of these portable cribs.

Bumper/Sheets: We went with basic stuff and didn’t spend a lot of money on sheets sets. Feel free if you like, whatever suits you. But I will say this: make sure your bumper has at least a dozen ties, or baby can start to pull it down and get under it. We liked ours by Carter’s. I think it was $29. Forget expensive, just get something basic that is soft and has a lot of ties.

Changing Table: Get one that doubles as a dresser but that has a railing so that you reduce the chance of baby rolling off. It happens more than you think. Just ask your pediatrician.

Changing pad covers: Get two of these, and we also got these Bobby changing pads that are super useful so you don’t have to wash the changing pad cover every time baby has a pee or poop at an inopportune time (like when you are changing them, which happens a lot in the beginning).

Mobile: We got two: one was Red Sox (“Take Me Out To The Ballgame”) and the other was Gators (“Orange & Blue”). Emily LOVED them. Forget Baby Einstein or anything that claims it’s going to impart genius to baby by 6 months old. Just get something fun that you like that plays nice music. That may help lull them to sleep. It may not. But you’ll enjoy the songs until they start to drive you nuts.  

Music: We had a CD player on her crib and played all sorts of music for her from day one. You can use an iPod dock in the room too. Jack Johnson makes some great kids music, Free to Be You and Me, Lou Gallo, Putamayo, lots of good stuff out there.

Monitor: We got a sound monitor, which was, quite frankly, completely useless and ridiculous. Our apartment is so small, we didn’t need the monitor to hear her, but what we really needed one to see what was going on in there. We recently got a used video monitor off of our parent’s website for $25. It’s been great since Emily started to stand in her crib so we can see what’s going on and make sure she’s okay.

Wall Decals: If you don’t feel like repainting your second room, you can do what we did which is get these great wall decals that Emily loves. She plays with them all the time now while she is on her changing table. Makes the room look really fun and its cheap and easy.

Diaper Genie: Unless your baby comes out potty trained, you will need some sort of diaper receptacle and the Genie is a good one in terms of keeping odor trapped. That being said, a good trash can, like a Simple Human, would work too. Up to you.   

Newborn Essentials

(remember, explore Craig’s List/eBay for used clothes, cheaper and most are in good shape and it will save you a lot of money. Babies grow fast).

Pajamas: For sleeping get a dozen button front t-shirts (these are easiest because they don’t go over the head) with footed pants. Footie onesie sleepers are great for winter. Also a couple of sleep sacks if your apartment is not warm or you use air conditioning.

Daywear: Two dozen tops, some combination of onesies and t-shirts, and two dozen pants is plenty! Make sure to get some newborn socks. A pair of newborn mittens to prevent scratching are good at first when you are too nervous to cut their nails. If in winter, add a snowsuit, warm mittens, and warm hats.

Swaddle Blankets: You’ll need about six of these. Get the giggle Better Basics swaddle blanket, they worked best in terms of size and stretchiness. Others are too big and don’t stay put.

Cotton hats: Even in summer keep baby’s head covered.

American Red Cross Kit: this comes with thermometer, nail clippers, brush, comb, nasal aspirator, etc.

Infant Tylenol Drops: Just in case.

Pacifiers: Soothies brand worked best for us. They’re on Mount Pacifier but also sold at Duane Reade, CVS, etc.

Washcloths: (4-6), towels with hoods are great (4)

Bath Tub: First Years makes a good one, get a sling too for when they are really little. Or you can lay a towel in your bathroom sink and just fill it with water. We did that in the beginning when she was small enough to fit in it.

Shampoo/Lotion: You are not going to need this at first (newborns just get a sponge bath with water only and olive oil for dryness), but eventually you will. We like Aveno. Mustella is great, but way too expensive.

Bottles: We still use the Playtex Bottles with the Drop In system. It’s rated best by lactation consultants, and is good for babies with gas. It’s cheap and easy because you don’t need to sterilize the bottles, they come with pre-sterilized liners.

Nipples: No matter what bottle you chose, start with slow flow nipples (stage 1).

Bottle Sterilizer: Waste of money. just boil water and drop them in. With Playtex, this step is never needed because the drop ins are sterile.

Bottle Warmer: Also a waste of money. If you are using formula, keep water at room temp by keeping a filtered pitcher of water out on the counter. If you use breast milk, just warm it in a cup of hot tap water before serving or just let the baby have it. She may not care if it’s cold. Emily never did.

Formula: Earth’s Best Organic was what we used after we finished nursing but it’s really a matter of taste. If baby doesn’t like one, try something else.

Burp Cloths: Have at least two-dozen of these.
Bibs: Not as important early on. Much more so when they start eating real food.

Diapers: Pamper’s Swaddlers, N size. Start with 75 diapers and then see where you are. Babies grow fast and they may be ready for size 1 after a couple of weeks. In terms of brand, we thought these fit better and kept Emily a lot dryer than the Huggies brand.

Wipes: Chose any wipes you like. Cheap is good. Eventually you’ll use a lot of them. Initially you won’t use wipes, just warm water and a cloth.

Wipes Warmer: I guess I’d like it if someone warmed up my toilet paper for me, but is it necessary? Not really. As long as you’re not refrigerating the wipes, baby’s bottom will be fine.

For Nursing Moms

Breast Pump: Medela Pump in Style. Borrow a friend’s if you can ‘cause it’s expensive, but worth it.

My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow: Forget the Bobby, this one is engineered for Breast Feeding and gives great support to mom and baby. The surface is flat and has a little built in pillow for baby’s head. There is back support for mom, and also has pockets for keeping burp clothes, or what have you close by.

Nursing Glider: Dutalier. Worth it. We still use it and love it. You’ll spend a lot of time nursing your baby and you may even sleep in it some nights. So it’s worth it for your back and for your comfort to invest in a good nursing chair.

Hooter Hider (Those aprons you wear over you for privacy). You’ll want one.

Lansinoh ointment: helps with the ouch from cracked nipples.

Frozen peas (!): Keep a few bags in the freezer. It helps with painful breast engorgement. Once you are done nursing you can turn them into baby food.

The Nursing Mother’s Companion—very helpful book

Nursing bras: Get a few from Target. Soft cotton onces are most comfy.

Nursing Tank Tops: Glamour Mom makes these great nursing tanks and I wore them all the time. Very easy. Other than that, I didn’t buy any nursing clothes. I just wore v-neck t-shirts or tunics that were sort of in style anyway. Don’t bother wasting money. You can buy a few new things that you will wear afterwards too, and you’d be surprised you can make what you have work.

Baby Gear:

Swing: Essential for getting baby to sleep, especially colicky baby. We used a Fisher Price Papasan Swing.

Bouncy Seat: Good to have as a place for baby to play safely and nap in early weeks. The music they play is pretty annoying after a while (I was hearing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” in my sleep, when I did sleep) but you can turn it off and just have the soothing vibrations.

Baby Carrier: We have a Bjorn, which is fine, but I think Ergo is better because it’s a bit more comfortable and babies seem to like those more. But with an Ergo you can’t face baby out, so that’s an issue. Explore other carriers, there are so many out there. Also, you may love your carrier but baby may not so be prepared to get a different one. Use Craig’s List or a parent’s group to cut down on cost. Or borrow from a friend. Hand me downs are great.

Activity/Playmat: One of these activity mats with colorful toys hanging from it are great for baby when they are laying around all day starting at the sky. Really keeps them engaged and exploring.

Baby Sling: Many babies love these, Emily didn’t. But I have heard great things about peanut shell, hot slings, baby k’tan, etc. Also all a crapshoot as to what your baby will like. If you can, borrow from friends to see which one your baby will like before you invest.

Diaper Bag: So many to choose from, really it’s up to you. Just make sure to get one with lots of compartments and that closes securely on the top so your stuff doesn’t fall all over the place when you decide to take it off the back of the stroller and it falls off your shoulder because you are carrying the baby on your hip, too.   

Toys: Early on, toys are kinda useless but they are nice to have hanging over baby in the stroller so they have something to look at. Once they start grasping, I’d invest in a few toys from Habba and some soft cuddly guys, and of course lots of teething toys to chew on. She actually loves her bath toys that squirt water. Toys that make sounds are great too, like the Leap Frog music table or a See and Say Baby, etc. It teaches them cause and effect, like, if I press this, then a noise will happen. Kinda cool to see that develop.

Books: Get lots of books! We loaded up on board books (with pages babies cant rip) and started reading to Emily very early on.  Now Emily loves her books and turning pages for us (and of course, eating them). You will want variety because there are only so many times you can read “Goodnight Moon” without driving yourself mad. We like books from the “Good Night” series; Goor Night Brooklyn, Good Night Manhattan, Good Night America. We also like the counting books, and Kiss Goodnight Sam.

Car Seat: Legally you have to have one to leave the hospital. I’d go for the Graco Snug Ride, if you can get the one that goes up to 32 pounds go for it as this will buy you a little more time before you have to switch to a convertible car seat. Chico also makes a good one.

Stroller: I’ve saved the worst for last. The only thing that was more overwhelming than Mount Pacifier was the Valley of the Strollers. I was hyperventilating again within seconds of descending into that fresh hell. There are dozens of stroller brands and I found the process of buying a stroller to be inordinately difficult. Now, I don’t profess to be an expert but I will share my thoughts on what to consider when making your decision and my experience. It’s a good idea to check with friends and see what they like and don’t like about their strollers and take them for a test drive if you can, with baby, even better so you can see how hard (or easy) it is to snap them in and get them out.  

Snap ‘n Go: In the beginning (newborn-4 months), you can get by with a car seat and snap n go stroller attachment, which essentially is a little pushcart that your car seat snaps into and together it’s a stroller. We borrowed a snap n go to use with our car seat and went with this option for the first four months of Emily’s life and it worked great.

The only thing is that with the pathetic disrepair of Brooklyn sidewalks using the Snap n Go was sort of like pushing Emily around on a rollercoaster ride. It was far from smooth, and while it didn’t seem to bother her at all, it was hard on us to get over all those broken sidewalks with the pushcart. When we switched to a “real” stroller with suspension it was so much smoother I felt like it had been child abuse to keep her in that Snap n Go for so long, but it did the job. In hindsight, I would have gone for the real stroller straight away. Sure they are some money but you are going to spend it eventually so why not get the advantage of the great shocks from the get go. Then again, if you are in the ‘burbs and you are not walking a lot, using the Snap n Go is really easy cause it’s very light and easy to get in and out of the trunk and you just pull the car seat out of the car, one two three.

But for city folks who walk a lot and don’t drive much, I would suggest getting a real stroller from the beginning. By “real stroller,” I mean a Bugaboo, UppaBaby, Teutonia, Maclaren, or Micralite, etc. Most of these all come with bassinet options in addition to the stroller seat. These bassinets are great because they are really luxurious and wonderful for baby to get to stretch out and sleep in a crib-like environment while strolling.  Many friends have actually used the basinets in their homes instead of a crib for first few weeks of life. They are really great to have even as a place to put baby down. If you visit friends, baby has a place to nap or sleep over.

Bugaboo: Most expensive but most people say it’s well worth it. Chameleon and Frog models have great suspension, with stylish looks. Baby can face in or out. Both well engineered with nice under-stroller storage space. I would just caution against the newest one, the Bee, because it is really small and many online reviews have said their babies outgrow it in a year.

UppaBaby: Great looking, nice suspension, slightly less expensive than Bugaboo. Baby sits a bit higher up so less strain on your back getting them in the stroller. Also offers the most under carriage storage. Baby can face in or out. Cons: Wider wheel base which makes it harder to get through small aisles and navigate crowded shops/streets.  

Phil & Ted’s: Great jogger style stroller. If you are planning on having another kid, get a Phil & Ted’s because of their double stroller option. Cons: Baby only faces out.

Teutonia: I have this stroller. It’s got great suspension, a nice narrow wheel base, corners like it’s on rails, with decent but not great storage. Baby can face in or out. Cons: straps are hard to snap easily. Winter foot muff doesn’t fit well, but the hand muff is fabulous.

Micralite: The lightest stroller, with good suspension and stylish seat in great colors. Cons: Handlebars do not adjust in terms of height and it has nearly useless under carriage storage. Baby only faces out.

Maclaren: This is an umbrella stroller, because it folds up easily, sort of like an umbrella. Maclaren makes almost a dozen models to choose from. Despite the recent recall, this is a very popular stroller, especially for toddlers. This stroller offers very light options (like the Quest and Volo), but baby is always facing out, and it doesn’t have the bump-killing suspension these other strollers offer. Not appropriate for newborns. Great as a second stroller for subway rides or airplanes.

NOTE: If you chose a “real stroller” you should consider adding an umbrella stroller to your collection for subway and airplane trips. You can get a really cheap one from Target if you don’t plan on using it very often or get a good one. Up to you. We go the really light (11lb) UppaBabby G-Luxe. It folds up into nothing so it doesn’t take much room and since it’s impossible to take a truck like a Bugaboo or UppaBaby on the subway or on an airplane, it’s essential to have.

What have I forgotten? Help me out! What did you buy that you swear by? What would you never buy again? You tell me Share your two cents below!

Here’s to our Mothers!

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Posted: March 7, 2010

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