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“My Day at Ikea (and Bar Tano)”

Most people go to Ikea to shop. On Monday, I was one of them. Craig and I hopped the B61 and ventured off to the new Red Hook store to browse and potentially buy a few new things. What we discovered after a five-hour excursion was that there’s something more to do at Ikea than shop for value-driven Swede-designed furniture (with unpronounceable names), and get frustratingly and helplessly lost in a maze of showrooms. (I suggest leaving a trail of bread crumbs to find your way out. Craig and I felt like lab mice in a maze.)

In any case, at Ikea, you can also eat. Now, perhaps I am the last one to know this, probably because before the Red Hook store opened, I never really shopped at Ikea, but they have a menu of surprisingly decent food served in a lofty, glassed-in room with views of the Statue of Liberty.

Heading over first thing in the morning, your 99-cent breakfast includes scrambled eggs, bacon and homefries. If you happen to be shopping on a Wednesday night, stop in for Rib Night, which includes a half a rack of ribs with fries and cornbread for $7.99. Now, look, to be sure, it’s not Bouchon or anything but for $4.99 you’ll get a plate of incredibly moist and flavorful little Swedish meatballs with real mashed potatoes (you can see the skins on these pups, they’re not boxed or powdered), and lingonberry sauce. Delish. (The meatballs are also sold in the Swedish Marketplace for $7.99 per bag.) Add on a salad from a fresh salad bar ($3.99), and maybe a slice of Swedish apple cake or a monster bar of chocolate (99 cents) and you’ll be well-fueled for a day of shopping, searching, lifting, waiting, and schlepping.

In our case, despite our lovely Swedish meatball lunch, we were completely drained after our visit. In addition to getting trapped in that showroom hell, we had a list of five items we wanted, two of which were out of stock and would require a return visit since these items were not sold online. There was no way to pre-order and pay for them in advance and have them added to our delivery later that week when they were to come into stock. Customer service at Ikea gets about a zero on a scale of 1-10.

On our way back home, defeated by the need to return in a few days and utterly exhausted from our trek, we took the free shuttle bus to 4th Avenue and 9th Street for a therapeutic pit stop at Bar Tano (sister to Bar Toto in Park Slope). Tano is a terrific little Italian trattoria designed like a Village tavern with pressed tin ceilings, ebony-stained tables and chairs, a big old zinc bar (with 10 beers on tap, 30 wines by the glass and a nice choice of bourbons and cocktails), and the glow of warm lighting.

While Tano is in no man’s land, somewhere at the edge of Carroll Gardens and into Gowanus, it’s worth a visit if you’re returning from Ikea. (The Smith/9th Street F Train is just a few blocks away). The place gets crowded at peak times but early on, it’s a peaceful reprieve with Chet Baker playing overhead that feels like you might find it off some winding country road in Ireland.

What’s more, the menu is wildly reasonable and the portions are generous for the price point. There’s a selection of antipasti like arancini ($7), grilled sausages over lentils ($6) and fritto misto ($8), a big variety of bruschettas topped with choices like whipped salted cod, gorgonzola with walnuts and honey, or goat cheese and fig spread ($3 each), along with salads, paninis, burgers, thin crust pizzas (a half dozen choices) and pastas like penne with short rib ragu ($12), and spaghetti and meatballs ($9).

Craig settled in with a pint of O’Hara’s stout while we snacked on a neat little involtini di melanzane ($5)—a savory “blintz” fashioned from grilled eggplant, filled up with creamy ricotta and melting gobs of mozzarella in a fresh and pulpy tomato sauce, and a big and beautiful salad of baby spinach with grilled figs, toasted pine nuts and shaved fennel dressed in balsamic vinegar and olive oil ($8).
The thin crusted pizzas don’t compare to the more artisan pies coming out of kitchens like Motorino and Co., but they’ll certainly do. Ours was topped with mozzarella, tomato, prosciutto and a fluffy heap of lemony arugula salad, so it was sort of like two meals in one. At $12 it was also big enough to share (with two or three people, depending on your appetite).

While Ikea left me a little worse for wear (other than the meatballs), I loved Bar Tano. It’s a great neighborhood spot, though sadly it seems to be missing the neighborhood that offers good food in a cozy and inviting setting with attentive and friendly service. When we told our waiter that we had just spent close to six hours at Ikea, he relayed his own story of getting hopelessly lost in their maze (er, showroom). We could feel his empathy and bonded instantly. What else do you really need? Well, maybe someone to put together all that Ikea furniture we have coming our way so Craig can just sit back and relax?

Bar Tano is located at 457 3rd Ave and 9th Street, (718) 499-3400.

Ikea is located at One Beard Street, Red Hook, Brooklyn, 718-246-IKEA

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Posted: March 20, 2009

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